A small child born with very tiny hands and feet. As a sign of his unique character and demenour, he did not cry or urinate for some hours after birth. Doctor and his assisting staff were worried. Someone in the family said that he was not going to survive but he did survive for 25 years. He acheived things that ordinary people like us just dream of and wish to. He lived his life KING SIZE.
The son, the brother and the friend is known by the name of Capt. (Late) Gautam Sarma.
THE INDIVIDUAL
Gautam was an extremely determined, self-aware, daring and loving person. He never complained about not getting things the easier way. He struggled to get all that he accomplished in life with not even a sigh. He was so sure of how he could achieve what he wanted to. I have to say how lucky I am to have had him as a brother and now as a guiding star. He would quietly observe everything happening around him and speak only when it was needed. He was not opinionated nor did he interfere into others' business. His life was one of relentless perseverance and self confidence.
He loved to bring out the contrasts of human life and learn and teach others something good. He never believed that we humans are unlucky. He would say, "Sis, just see around you, there's so much life and light that if we want we can remain strong and happy forever." He loved to sit and talk of how we could make a difference in the lives of the less privileged people. He trusted himself and never allowed anyone to intrude into his world. I sometimes feel that maybe I had known only a part of what he was.
He never wanted to prove anything in life but just live it with joy. However, situations always demanded him to be a fighter and he died a warrior. He loved with his whole heart, made that girl so strong that she is withstanding the blow of his death. I and she talk and strange enough we don't find anything to cry about him. We laugh when we remember him, we remember how good he was. I guess it is just the rarest of souls who leave such an impact.
THE SON
Maybe I don't have rights to talk of him as a son but will tell you what I knew about him as a son. He was playful, obedient, helpful, responsible and wise. He was my Mom's world. Everything about Mom is Gautam. He made her happy that today she cries for he not being so happy as he deserved to be. He would always be scolded and beaten for being the naughty boy, for teasing his sister who nearly always cried at his leg-pullings. He never hid a thing from Mom. He would tell her who he likes, what he would do and why he would do. He would sit hours with Mom talking about life, politics, education, misery and photography. Gosh! It never once was boring. She would advice him to lead a better life, what he should be doing, how he should handle pride, what his composure should reflect and overall why he was born.
With Dad, it was different. I never saw the two creatures being friendly except when playing chess. It was when he was in his 5th or 6th standard. They would sit for hours in the night playing chess. Another game was carom board where 4 of us would partner-Mom & Bro, Dad & I. Then with changing times certain few outlooks changed, people changed or we started seeing the realities of life. He became involved and strained family ties. He became a little too upset and unbelievably fought with Mom. A transition of a son to his adulthood with his own dreams, wishes and career.
As a revival had to happen, he joined NDA, Mom couldn't take it. Dad was silent as he usually was. Things changed then. Bro started being more responsible and loving towards Mom and me. He tried to sew the cuts of his and Dad's relationship. A change towards positivity. In 4 years time, till he was commissioned, he turned out to be the son that parents, especially Mom, expected when he took his first breath. There would be feasts at home during the days he came home. And Gautam would be the best person to hang out with. He would get movies, eat "paan", Chinese food, home made fish curry, Mom-made sweets and pickles. He loved bamboo shoot pickle that came specially packed from my Granny's. He would talk to Granny and take her blessings and get everyone into laughter fits.
As a son he was definitely successful, giving parents a huge basket of memories and reasons to smile and be proud of him. He gave them almost everything they wished for. I say almost everything because they never wanted his death. Gautam is the son they wish to have for all births forever.
THE BROTHER
Gautam is the force behind shaping my life. I am so proud to say that. I called him Gauts and have not deleted his last contact number from my phone book. In the family everyone fears at least 1 person and Gauts was that person for me. I can never vividly describe what our relationship was like. In a few words, he was a father, a mother, a sister, a friend, an enemy, a teacher and an inspiration. He taught me the essence of being alive and the beauty of having all senses functional. He taught me to dream big so I can achieve at least a fraction of it with hard work given all constraints. In this page, I have already mentioned that he was the best person to hang out with. I remember there were times when we would go out for walks, in Shillong, meandering though trees and slopes and steeps, we would go wild on a eve-teasing spree. I can't believe I did that!! One time we had to run to save ourselves from a lashing. Another time, when we were younger, probably I was around 4 or 5 years old, we had stuffed the silencer of a bike with stones and potatoes. Actually, we hated that person and never wanted him to visit our place again. The trick worked but consequence was a nice chocolaty thrashing from parents.
I was in my 10th standard when he joined the NDA, Pune. It was June 17th, 2000. We dropped him off at the railway station, tears rolling down my cheeks but hid them well and he hugged me, kissed me and told me "I am not going to be there 24 hours with you so you need to do 3 things for me. First, take care of yourself; second, study well and third, take care of parents. I love you." These words resound in my ears even today. I haven't forgotten them. He would write letters separately to Mom and me. He would write songs and recommend books and novels. Till he was alive, I never bought a novel myself. I would just have to give him the name and I got it. Then, he and I both grew older. He developed photography as his hobby. Later it became his passion. He came to be known as 'the officer with a camera'. He wanted me to model for his photographs but just couldn't find enough holidays or term breaks for a session. He made me feel so special. I was the most beautiful girl, the best dancer, the best sweetheart, the sexiest brain and definitely all superlatives for him. If I retorted, he would unbelievably prove it to me. He boosted my self confidence to new levels.
There was another side of Gauts which very few people know. He loved when I dressed in the newest fashionable dresses and accessories. He would buy me one and the next moment Mom would exchange.. :-) He was the one who told me that a girl needs to look a girl with best makeup, best parlor effects and graceful walk. He made me feel beautiful.
Like no relationship can be complete without fights, we also fought like ferocious wild animals. It would begin with outstanding vocabulary and end with black and blue patches or 5 finger marks on my cheek. We however, never let our parents interfere as much as possible. We knew that we fought so much because we loved each other so much. He and I were inseparably in support of each other.
I miss these things so much now that I wish to be with him wherever he is. I want him as a brother if I were to be born again and forever again. He was my most precious gift and possession. He never once let me down as a sister. He loved me and knew me beyond myself. He is still the most important person of my life.
THE FRIEND
I do not know much about the friend that Gauts was. I have only heard and seen some of his friends talk about him. Not too close he was with all but lucky that he was, he had some awesome friends. Gauts was a bullheaded, straightforward and logical human being. He never supported anyone if wrong and always stood by the right. His friends were always happy to seek his help and advice. They would sit and talk, go for long walks or drives. I remember he was respected by his circle of friends. Gauts had friends elder to him too. He could befriend almost anyone. I have had calls from his friends to share my pain but it happened that I started feeling that his demise was a bigger loss for some of them and it touched me.
THE POET
Gauts was an amazing poet. I always knew he was good at literature but his writing skills weren't revealed until some 2 years before he left us. His first poem was published in The Shillong Times. As of today I have around 15 poems that he had written. I am wondering what I should be doing. I guess I will post them here or might be I will create a small souvenir. If closely focussed, we can see the true Gautam in his poems. It is difficult for anyone to exactly explain what a poet means in his poems but we can get close enough. I realize after reading his poems that he was a person who actually built his own destiny. He straightened himself after every fall and walked upright. His fears made him strong but his emotions were a source of his inspiration. He made himself through his deeds and created a world where no one could intrude. He was happy in life because he knew the beauty of every moment. He could appreciate the vibrancy of life and colors of joy and grief together. It is us who couldn't love him enough, couldn't laugh enough with him or couldn't know him better. He had always given us a chance.
THE SON
Maybe I don't have rights to talk of him as a son but will tell you what I knew about him as a son. He was playful, obedient, helpful, responsible and wise. He was my Mom's world. Everything about Mom is Gautam. He made her happy that today she cries for he not being so happy as he deserved to be. He would always be scolded and beaten for being the naughty boy, for teasing his sister who nearly always cried at his leg-pullings. He never hid a thing from Mom. He would tell her who he likes, what he would do and why he would do. He would sit hours with Mom talking about life, politics, education, misery and photography. Gosh! It never once was boring. She would advice him to lead a better life, what he should be doing, how he should handle pride, what his composure should reflect and overall why he was born.
With Dad, it was different. I never saw the two creatures being friendly except when playing chess. It was when he was in his 5th or 6th standard. They would sit for hours in the night playing chess. Another game was carom board where 4 of us would partner-Mom & Bro, Dad & I. Then with changing times certain few outlooks changed, people changed or we started seeing the realities of life. He became involved and strained family ties. He became a little too upset and unbelievably fought with Mom. A transition of a son to his adulthood with his own dreams, wishes and career.
As a revival had to happen, he joined NDA, Mom couldn't take it. Dad was silent as he usually was. Things changed then. Bro started being more responsible and loving towards Mom and me. He tried to sew the cuts of his and Dad's relationship. A change towards positivity. In 4 years time, till he was commissioned, he turned out to be the son that parents, especially Mom, expected when he took his first breath. There would be feasts at home during the days he came home. And Gautam would be the best person to hang out with. He would get movies, eat "paan", Chinese food, home made fish curry, Mom-made sweets and pickles. He loved bamboo shoot pickle that came specially packed from my Granny's. He would talk to Granny and take her blessings and get everyone into laughter fits.
As a son he was definitely successful, giving parents a huge basket of memories and reasons to smile and be proud of him. He gave them almost everything they wished for. I say almost everything because they never wanted his death. Gautam is the son they wish to have for all births forever.
THE BROTHER
Gautam is the force behind shaping my life. I am so proud to say that. I called him Gauts and have not deleted his last contact number from my phone book. In the family everyone fears at least 1 person and Gauts was that person for me. I can never vividly describe what our relationship was like. In a few words, he was a father, a mother, a sister, a friend, an enemy, a teacher and an inspiration. He taught me the essence of being alive and the beauty of having all senses functional. He taught me to dream big so I can achieve at least a fraction of it with hard work given all constraints. In this page, I have already mentioned that he was the best person to hang out with. I remember there were times when we would go out for walks, in Shillong, meandering though trees and slopes and steeps, we would go wild on a eve-teasing spree. I can't believe I did that!! One time we had to run to save ourselves from a lashing. Another time, when we were younger, probably I was around 4 or 5 years old, we had stuffed the silencer of a bike with stones and potatoes. Actually, we hated that person and never wanted him to visit our place again. The trick worked but consequence was a nice chocolaty thrashing from parents.
I was in my 10th standard when he joined the NDA, Pune. It was June 17th, 2000. We dropped him off at the railway station, tears rolling down my cheeks but hid them well and he hugged me, kissed me and told me "I am not going to be there 24 hours with you so you need to do 3 things for me. First, take care of yourself; second, study well and third, take care of parents. I love you." These words resound in my ears even today. I haven't forgotten them. He would write letters separately to Mom and me. He would write songs and recommend books and novels. Till he was alive, I never bought a novel myself. I would just have to give him the name and I got it. Then, he and I both grew older. He developed photography as his hobby. Later it became his passion. He came to be known as 'the officer with a camera'. He wanted me to model for his photographs but just couldn't find enough holidays or term breaks for a session. He made me feel so special. I was the most beautiful girl, the best dancer, the best sweetheart, the sexiest brain and definitely all superlatives for him. If I retorted, he would unbelievably prove it to me. He boosted my self confidence to new levels.
There was another side of Gauts which very few people know. He loved when I dressed in the newest fashionable dresses and accessories. He would buy me one and the next moment Mom would exchange.. :-) He was the one who told me that a girl needs to look a girl with best makeup, best parlor effects and graceful walk. He made me feel beautiful.
Like no relationship can be complete without fights, we also fought like ferocious wild animals. It would begin with outstanding vocabulary and end with black and blue patches or 5 finger marks on my cheek. We however, never let our parents interfere as much as possible. We knew that we fought so much because we loved each other so much. He and I were inseparably in support of each other.
I miss these things so much now that I wish to be with him wherever he is. I want him as a brother if I were to be born again and forever again. He was my most precious gift and possession. He never once let me down as a sister. He loved me and knew me beyond myself. He is still the most important person of my life.
THE FRIEND
I do not know much about the friend that Gauts was. I have only heard and seen some of his friends talk about him. Not too close he was with all but lucky that he was, he had some awesome friends. Gauts was a bullheaded, straightforward and logical human being. He never supported anyone if wrong and always stood by the right. His friends were always happy to seek his help and advice. They would sit and talk, go for long walks or drives. I remember he was respected by his circle of friends. Gauts had friends elder to him too. He could befriend almost anyone. I have had calls from his friends to share my pain but it happened that I started feeling that his demise was a bigger loss for some of them and it touched me.
THE POET
Gauts was an amazing poet. I always knew he was good at literature but his writing skills weren't revealed until some 2 years before he left us. His first poem was published in The Shillong Times. As of today I have around 15 poems that he had written. I am wondering what I should be doing. I guess I will post them here or might be I will create a small souvenir. If closely focussed, we can see the true Gautam in his poems. It is difficult for anyone to exactly explain what a poet means in his poems but we can get close enough. I realize after reading his poems that he was a person who actually built his own destiny. He straightened himself after every fall and walked upright. His fears made him strong but his emotions were a source of his inspiration. He made himself through his deeds and created a world where no one could intrude. He was happy in life because he knew the beauty of every moment. He could appreciate the vibrancy of life and colors of joy and grief together. It is us who couldn't love him enough, couldn't laugh enough with him or couldn't know him better. He had always given us a chance.
