It becomes difficult to reason out when unwanted memories hit you hard. Three years back I was shattered when Bro passed away and I never cried out completely. I had to look after how Mom handled it and couldn't break. In the days that flew by I became strong enough to handle anything or rather any pain.
The truth however is different, I cry in solitude for him, I smile at the silly little things we did together and I long for that 'looking beyond me' look of his eyes. It is lovely to have an elder brother. And it is worst to have lost him. I looked up to him when in some bad and hopeless situation. He would tell me, "Being my sister, why do you care about difficulties. You can do better than this." I now miss that voice.
The most hurtful reality is that anything I do, write or talk will not bring him back. I had shared my entire life with him-my crushes, dreams, hatred, hurts, career, and my true self. It is therefore, so difficult to let him go. I don't cry for him but I become so ruthless when I miss him. I start to hate everything and my existence without him. I penned this for him today. I hope to see you again and be your sister again and again.
I love you Gauts.
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