Me, Mom & My Mirror

I look at you and wonder about my life. You speak to me and I listen as I listen to my own words. I am awestruck at how you encourage me at being myself-the adamant, straightforward, bull-headed spirit that I am. I fail to understand why you aren't me!

Mom, an imagination for those who are bereft of her, purest love for those who have her and tearfully happy memories for those who are far away. For me, you are my greatest strength despite differences. I wasn’t away when you assumed I was, I wasn’t heartless when you wept and I wasn’t rude when I was harsh on you. Your pain was my pain and all I try is banishing it.

My Mirror speaks to me of my failures, consoles me for losses and loves me for smiles. I ponder over the unseen reason behind my joy at seeing myself. I then realize, I am an image of my beloved Mom with a few alterations. I love when my Mirror throws a wicked smile when I am naughty; she knows darn well what runs on my little brain.

O Mom, you are my mirror and my Mirror says so to me. Why then few times the image breaks?

"Rainbow"

A serene beauty,
Walking down the starry way;
Reclaiming the various colors,
Losing the purified clarity.

Among the melancholy of the crowd,
She exists with a smile so convincing;
I lose thought of the present,
Losing my own sanity.

My little child of respected choices,
Breathing among a hundred losses;
Yet shining with its mother's might,
Paving a soft path for the masses.

Smiles showered from my own!

"Unexpected"

O my Soul, do you know me?
Have you looked me in the eye?
Has it been your habit to shun me?
Or, is it a pretext for the unexpected?

I've been yours ever since my first breath,
I've been a child of your magnitude,
I've been your image for the unknown,
And now, I am the Unexpected? !

Nor loving you for what you are,
Neither hating you for my existence;
A love you are of the unexpected kind,
A love I am not destined to love.

You are me of the other kind,
And yet you aren't me!

Sheen & The Train Boy

Sheen slept the night in unfelt hunger and an emptiness she never understood. The morning dawned and the sun awoke her. It was just a few hours before she would be greeted at the station by her friend. She wondered if there were more surprises awaiting her. 3 hours later she was out of the train and into a car and amongst her sweet friends. They all talked at the same time making it impossible for Sheen to understand anything. They crossed through the crowded streets of Delhi and reached a colorfully decorated house which showed off the fact that a girl was leaving its premises. Sheen had a nice long shower, lunch and then engaged herself in the activities. The evening brought in the moment of expectations of new life, happiness and responsibilities. Unmarried girls thought of alliances to be made at this marriage, grandmothers wanted grandchildren, talks of new faces in the family and "Is the bride happy? Is she beautiful?". Our sweet Sheen could only smile at everything!

It was 10 pm when the 'baraat' arrived. It was the typical Hindu marriage which would go on for almost the night. The hospitality of the baraatis were on when Sheen had to take her turn in serving. An hour later the excitement was less noisy. Sheen found herself a chair and viewed the two souls being tied together forever with strings of vows. She kept visualizing about her marriage, her husband and her life thereafter. Amidst such busyness she was restless. She felt something but had no words to describe. She was quieter than usual; her friends felt she was exhausted and the others didn't know her. The marriage was finally complete and the yesterday's lovers were pronounced man and wife. As rituals go, there were games to be played by the newly weds, there were blessings to be showered and there was fun. It was during games that the bridegroom unveiled his face. The moment which puts Sheen's brain and heart into permanent shock! She had the responsibility to 'host' a game and was sitting facing the couple. When the unveiling took place, she saw, 'the boy in the train' as her friend's husband! "O Lord!, What do I do now?", Sheen prayed silently.

She cursed herself for not meeting him when her friend had arranged for a get together long before the fateful night. She cursed herself for even having imagined something. She cursed herself for being stupid. Sheen excused herself and slipped into her room after the game. She couldn't stop thinking at how he kept his calmness. His red cheeks and strong look at her were enough to let her know he recognized her. She was in dilemma. She did not know if she should go out and face him. She didn't know if he could understand how she had felt the previous evening. She only knew that whatever step she took next would determine her friend's life and that gave her the creeps. Lots of questions arose, "Is he true to her friend? Is he really in love? Is he flirtatious? Will he make passes at her? What should be done? Should she tell her friend?" As her mind was racing through these thoughts she heard a knock on the door. She slowly opened the door and there he was, standing in front of her, smiling and looking. She could hear her own heartbeats, only this time it was fear. What will happen now she thought. He moved into the room and latched the door behind him. Sheen called all the Gods she knew. Sheen felt that he gazed at her form for almost a lifetime before he spoke.

"Hi, I'm Vivek. Let's not pretend we do not know each other. We have been together on the train and something happened. I just came to let you know that you will remain my dream and fantasy. Your friend is my reality and my life. You don't have anything to fear. We are and will never be lovers, right?"

Sheen took her time, thoughts racing and voice stammering. Finally she said "You are right. And I am happy you assure me of my friend's happiness. You can leave this room now and forever. And Congratulations!"

Definitely this was not what she expected to say but it was the truth. She felt something for a moment and found reality to be different. Anything if perceived from different angles can become truth or fantasy. Reality can be made to happen, tailored in a way that suits 'society' wishes best but however truth can be different. She knew her reality, truth and fantasy. Sheen finally knew the beginning and the end of her restlessness. The end of imaginations of 'The Train Boy'. She smiled, and made her way down to bid goodbye to the new weds  and with it towards a better and different life.

Just a few minutes.....

Sheen, a ravishing beauty with big blue eyes, splendid smile and fair skin, boarded the train that would take her to a friend's wedding. The train was crowded, with hawkers yelling their best and strangers giving her long shameless stares. Sheen moved forward and finally found her berth. To her respite it was the top berth which meant she could be alone and hiding behind her own thoughts. Little she knew that life had its way of unfolding its mysteries.

It was almost 2 hours of moving in the rhythmic 'chhuk-chhuk' in the cozy little space and she drifted off to the world of fantasies that a young girl of 24 has. Sheen was not always a shy girl but when it came to love, guys and marriage she preferred to keep her secrecy. She wondered how her friend convinced her parents for a love marriage and the happiness that is in store. She thought about how the newly-weds would spend time, cuddling, snuggling, teasing, eating and definitely loving. She wanted her moment of love-the moment that would make her sweat, smile, shiver, numb and yet safe. Suddenly, she awoke to a mess of loud abuses. 

Sheen leaned to look down. To her surprise, a middle aged woman had mistakenly taken a young man's berth and an argument broke out. She thought it best to turn her back and sleep off. Sheen finally awoke at dinner time, sat upright, brushed away her long black hair from her face and opened her eyes. From that moment till the next few minutes, Sheen was in trance. A young boy, aged almost as hers, with a cap on, little beard, not a macho man but not a bamboo stick too, was looking at her with a smile that she couldn't take her eyes off. 

She felt a sensation run down her spine nearly making her immobile. She felt his eyes were scanning her and his smile was an acknowledgement of her tempting beauty. She knew she should cover herself, move her eyes off, never again to make contact so she can be safe. Yet, she could not do any of those. As she kept battling with her own thoughts and unfelt sensations, she knew she was perspiring, she could hear her own heartbeats and definitely knew she was blushing. He moved forward, gave his hand and Sheen held it. She felt so strong and safe. She could see him smile as though he knew what she thought of. She could not believe when he came close, wrapped his arms round her waist and stared into her eyes. She was carried away, he softly brushed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss. Sheen could do nothing except kiss him back. It was a moment she never wanted to let go. She hugged him as though for eternity. Just being around him made all the difference. Then the awful thing happened-the train came to a halt and the jerk brought her back.

Sheen was still sitting the way she sat before the kiss happened, and he was sitting there the way she had seen him before the kiss. She knew, she understood and she realized that none of those things had actually happened. Somehow, the feeling was real, the sweat was real and her blush was real. She now tied her hair, drank water and still an awkward unrest existed. How can she feel that about a complete stranger? She glanced at his seat and found him standing and looking up at her. He, for the first time, came close to her ears and whispered, "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I think I fell in love with you for these few minutes. I request you that next time don't brush away your hair off your face. I have reached my destination and will get down now. If I had a chance I would have journeyed my life with you." Sheen had tears filling up her eyes and she could only manage a feeble "Thank You". She couldn't have her dinner that night

Sheen knew what love felt like. It is not important how often you fall in or out of love. It is not important how long you can hold on to love. All that is important is that you fall in love even if it be for a minute, or year or forever. Love gives you a mirror to your own 'can-be' and 'want to be'. It gives you a paradise where nothing goes wrong. Love gives love and demands nothing. Just a few minutes had given Sheen her moment of love and she was expecting better things from life now. She believed in herself and she determined to be stronger. Love just happens!!

"Engulf..."

Fearful lustrous glow,
Glorifying the entire globe,
Illusions of a mirth,
Engulfing the sweet child.

Serene benign disguised,
Thee walk in and burgle,
Leaving behind your odor,
Stimulation of dislike and horror!

The Satan's own terror,
Hate being thy bride,
And Pain thy assurance,
Let go of the Innocence!

I knew thee since my first breath,
I saw thee mince my thoughts,
Not anymore;
I let Thee free, for-
Fear shall fear itself hereafter..!

2010-A year that passed by a little too soon!

I updated my Facebook status wishing a happy new year to all but it didn't actually strike me then that 365 days passed by so soon! A year that made me a free thinker, a revolutionist and made me deny the long chosen traditional choices. In short, 2010 made an 'outcast' of me in varied ways, only to result in the evolution of the educated free mind. It brought back to me some distant friends and strengthened me to keep buried a few ties forever. I loved the year that passed by and will make the new year that dawned this morning a better one. 

2010 also gave the masses the degrading and unfortunate 'Munni" & "Sheela". Mind it, not the ladies but the description so vocally made clear. It gave the fabulous 'Ethanasia' effect that became an eye opening experience to witnessing a good performance. 

Overall, 2010 was a year filled with mixed emotions, mixed adventures, unusual peace and a glorious resurrection of the soul. I opened my eyes this morning and found that the date has changed (1/1/11). I then turned on to my side, smiled and changed my resolutions for a better year. I will make a difference by forgetting all the unwanted people, possessions, dreams and memories.

A Happy 2011 to all my blog readers. May God Bless You All and keep you happy. Let the new year make you and me a better soul!.